American actress and singer, Selena Gomez, blamed her mother for the divorce between her parents when she was at the young age of 5 as she craved for a family. She wished for her parents to stay together but in vain. She would stay angry with her mum and she feels bad about it.
"I remember when my parents broke up I didn't understand it," Selena said in E! Entertainment Special that aired on June 29, 2011, "I blamed my mom a lot ... because I wanted a family so bad. I wanted to have my dad and my mom together. So it was really hard."
Kids of divorced parents face a hard time as they are the ones who suffer the most at the end of their parents' relationship. Children, with one of the parents moving out, face the problem of acting as a broker between the mother or father and some children have to take up the responsibility of everyday tasks as the parent is unable to cope with the break-up.
Even after the children step into adulthood, they battle the scars of the break-up, something that they don't actually have to deal with, but destroys them emotionally.
Divorce expert M. Gary Neuman advices parents on how to handle their break-up without scarring the children for life. The first advice that he gives is that they shouldn't try to communicate through their children as this results in the building up emotional stress on the kids. He said that it is better to communicate with the ex-spouse though email as this keeps the children away from bearing the scars of having to handle situations that don't directly involve them.
He also suggested that parents can consult a therapist as this helps them get help for themselves by not damaging the child emotionally. Sharing details of the divorce or feelings of anger with children cause more damage and hence should be avoided. Rather, they should be the parent and maintain certain boundaries on what details should or should not be shared with the kids.
The last tip and the most important one that Neuman gives is that the children should be heard out as it is their right to be understood. The parent should listen and should not interrupt by pitching in their views. Instead, they should respond in a manner that helps the child and makes them feel understood.